These are REAL 911 Calls!...(or not)...

Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. Dispatcher: Do you have an address? Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich Dispatcher : Excuse me? Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it. Dispatcher : Was anything else taken? Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency? Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it. Dispatcher: This is nine eleven . Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency? Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is..........

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the Police.

I forgot to mention... I've added a new function to the blog. The Odiogo reader. You may have noticed this little icon just above each post:

You can click that icon and a player will (should) start and read the entry to you. Instant Podcast! Well, kind of. I'll have to say, it makes my lame attempts at humor in the Friday Funnies post a lot more entertaining.

Hope you all enjoy.

Also you can subscribe to my Odiogo enhanced rss feed by clicking Here

It's a little early for a Friday Funny but, I thought this was worth an early mention. Especially, with the release of the new X-Files movie coming up on July, 25 2008.

Rhett and Link, you know them? Well you should, they are hilarious!! Well, they have created a new song to go with the release of this blockbuster film!

Take a second and check this out!!

I hope everyone has a Happy and SAFE 4th of July. Although it would be a tremendous honor, I would hate for anyone to be added to the Fireworks Hall of Fame this year!!

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It's Friday again, time to delve through my e-mail and see what's funny. As I started digging through the archives this little ditty pops in... think I'll share it.

Men are Just Happier People:

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Hello everyone! Well I love good fried chicken.. and I really like a good waffle from time to time. Now thanks to these guys I know there is a place dedicated to putting both on one plate!

I just can't get enough of this one.....

Looking through my e-mail, I ran across this little gem. It was sent to me by my sister of all people. It strikes me as funny because of my loathing of mowing the lawn.

Cut the Grass

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf - which were always more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to maker her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

My Doctor says I will probably be able to walk again, but I will always have a limp.

MORAL TO THIS STORY: Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.